However, I also have always thought these wonderous words, were a double edged sword .

They seem to have the power to be two of the most paralyzing words to run through the mind.  “What if”… it’s malignant,  “what if”… it there is an accident, ”what if”…. nobody comes or likes me, ” what if”… I FAIL.  It is amazing that those same words that can inspire a person to climb to new heights,  can also cause you to never try in the first place…. or even hide under the bed!

I have been dealing with “what if” quite a bit as of late.  I must admit, emotionally,  it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride.  I have been exploring new venues for selling  my work this spring.  The ideas were very intriguing and potential for financial success exciting.  Unfortunately however, like many things in life, the reality fell a bit short of expectations.  The alluring and seductive side of  “what if”  had suddenly begun morphing into that hairy, yellow eyed monster of fear.   I began doubting and questioning everything I was doing.  It didn’t matter that I had been doing great for the last several years… it just all went out the window, chased by the “What If” monster.

What happened???  

Well, it finally occurred to me (with the help of a very patient friend).  Nothing happened.  “What If”, although still powerful, is not a double edged sword.  It is still only two words.  It was my own perception that changed.  It wasn’t that I gained fear…. I simply lost confidence.  It’s the old “is the glass half empty or half full?” thing.  The level hasn’t changed…just how we look at it.

With my perception given a little shake, and my expectations brought to heel, I have been able to chase any and all would be monsters back where they came from.  I am now, once again, ready to entertain more “What Ifs…..” and can’t wait to see where they will launch me to.

It’s spring time!   

When I last spoke with my mother in Chicago, she told me crocus were pushing up through the ground already and the tulips were not far behind.

Here in Alaska, we do not often get to enjoy those sunny harbingers of spring until…well summer!  Not content to wait that long I did what I could to bring a bit of color to my still whitened world.

But if you’re going to put down roots up here, you had better be tough!  No pansy pansies around here! No sir-ee Bob.   (well, actually…I really LIKE pansies… but that’s another topic…)

I introduce to you… Fierce Flowers (careful…they nip!)  On the left is  the beautiful, but dangerous “Deadly-dils” and the terribly unpredictable “Dandy-lions”.

(not picture as of yet are the wily Grrrr-aniums…I’ve yet to catch them with the camera since the last bunch escaped.  Be on the look out…)

This blue octopus sits on on his hoarded treasure.  Who knows where he’ll be the next time we see him.

This is a bead, but would be awkward to use in a jewelry piece due to it’s size and weight.  It perches nicely on a post, nestles on it’s own custome base.  ( approx. 3.5  inches tall)

 Once more, it was truly one of those life changing events.  I could ramble on further about the topics of the seminars I attended and what I got out of them (which is a LOT)  but I am still reeling from experiencing a different kind of  ”connection”.   Try to imagine for a moment…several hundred people decend upon the charming city of Baltimore  from all over the world.    All these people, all drawn together with a common love of this odd yet fascinating art media.  Strangers became fast friends almost instantly.  It was suddenly politically acceptible  to stare at one another’s chests and not be considered rude.  At observing this phenomenon, Jeff Dever, (one of the speakers, an incredible artist and a pretty funny guy) claimed he wanted a belt buckle made of polymer! (his wife was probably not quite as amused as the rest of us.)  Meeting a new individual entailed a look at the chest (ears, or belt buckle) then the face , then down to the name tag.    A hug or handshake would then ensue.  Making connections indeed! 

With that in mind, I thought  I might liven up my own raven creations by giving them a new playmate to bedevil.  In the real world, it is been observed that ravens and wolves often form interesting working relationships. (thank you Bernd Hienrich)  Just to be different, I opted to pair my fellow with a cantankerous old bear.  At first, the bear seemed less than impressed with his new friend’s antics.  But in time, it seems that the raven’s impish nature became contageous and the bear now seems to actually enjoy his company. 

 It was quite odd how it happened over the course of scupting several pieces.  I had not planned this to happen, it just did.  I guess it goes to show that the right partner or friend can bring out the best in all of us.  Make sure to let your partner and/or best friend know they are appreciated.  (I’m getting mine a really good twig!)

Actually, it’s a piece fresh off my work table.

Love is in the air for this pair of ammonites.  They are long exinct of course, but they seem to multiply and run rampant in my imagination for some strange reason.  Must be something about all those arms…. hmmm…

The entire necklace is not yet complete but the photo shows an idea I have on a possible design element.

So what the heck am I doing here?  Well, nothing was happening for me at the work table anyway, so why not give a helping hand (or at least lend moral support) where it may do some good.  In the studio, I find myself just sitting there. I pick up clay, put it back down.  I push it and poke it..even actually made a few things… but nothing really is engaging me.  Nothing feels very satisfying.  My muse, like Red, decided to make a break for it. 

I never really thought about having a “muse”… (a rather capricious spirit that bestows creative inspiration to artists)    It seems like an archaic, even fanciful concept, but I don’t know what else to really call it.  Ideas or inspiratons can hit you out of the blue and can just as suddenly desert you.  It is a very fleeting and fickle thing.  I’ve been feeling very annoyed and frustrated.  2009 was a bustling year for me, I enjoyed a long holiday break and now, it is time to get busy…..and  I need to get busy NOW!

 It’s just past sunrise, looking up at the big hawk, we are both delighted to have found him.  He had been leading volunteers on a hide and seek chase for 3 days.   Being an 11yr old, retired , falconry training bird, Red is wise in the ways of toying with his human keepers.  Cindy swings and tosses a dead mouse  up in the air to get Red’s attention.  She has it.  The hungry hawk jumps out of the spruce tree and swoops over her head for a closer look.  As he circles back around, it seems like every raven in the area descends on the small neighborhood cul de sac.   They mob the big predator and drive him back into the safety of the spruce.  A waiting game begins.  While the ravens circle and scold, the hawk and humans wait for them to grow bored and go elsewhere.  The temperature is in the single digits.  While we retreat to a warm van, Red puffs up a bit more and hunkers down.  Eventually, the ravens depart and Cindy continues with the flying mouse routine.  Red makes several impressive dives and passes.  He never lands on her gloved arm.  He just hits the mouse in passing, managing to just get an occassional chunk.

“It’s important”, she says, ” to be patient.  If you startle him by trying to grab him, he will never come down. We have to wait for him to settle on the glove and then calmly get hold of his jesses…then we can get him home.”  I knew how it was supposed to work, I’ve had enough bird training under my belt to understand.  Still, it was fascinating to watch Cindy and Red.  Cindy would show him the mouse, teasing and enticing.  At times, the hawk seemed to thumb his beak at us mere earth bound mammals .   At other times however,  he dove.  He would come close….closer, but not  landing.   It was like watching a strange exotic dance.

It struck me then.  Was I trying to grab my “muse”?  I have schedules to keep and product to produce, but perhaps I need to try a different approach.   Maybe I need to simply be patient,  stop try to force things. and move with a more relaxed pace.  Like Red, the “muse” will come only when it is good and ready. 

We didn’t manage to recapture Red today, but we are resaonably sure he will remain where he is overnight. He isn’t likely to go anywhere.   Tomorrow for both Red and myself, the dance will continue.  This evening, as I ready myself for bed, I feel reassured that all three of us, Cindy , Red and myself will eventually find what we’re after, it just may take a bit longer than we would like

Falling Leaves Necklaces

Leaf canes put to work in some stunning necklaces. These necklaces are strung on coated steel cable wire with various metal and glass accent beads.

Lilapods

Introducing Lilapods. These fun beads I named in honor of my friend Lila whom owns one of my favorite bead stores in Wasilla. She snapped up one of these original pod-like beads and turned out a spectacular necklace. Her piece involved some amazing peyote stitch work, where as I chose to keep mine simple. (I’m all thumbs when it comes to seed beads and needles.) Thanks again Lila!